Empowering Kids For Back to School Success
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt
Helping kids transition from summer to the classroom is the first hurdle of the school year. But it can also be an incredible opportunity to empower kids with the knowledge that they are capable of doing hard things. I sat down with the Suncoast View to discuss ways to scaffold our children to meet the challenge with confidence.
Click image for link to full video.
Spoilers:
1) “Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself” - Aristotle (probably): we need to be aware of our own worries as parents and caregivers so they don’t seep into our conversations with our kids.
2) Don’t Lead the Witness: Avoid statements like “Are you anxious about going back to school?”, “Are you worried about your new teacher?”, or “Are you nervous that you won’t know anyone ?" Our kids may be thinking or feeling these things, but they also may not be, and they almost definitely are thinking and feeling a lot more besides! Drawing a circle around the unpleasant feelings pulls focus to them right away.
3) Instead Try Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions like “How are you feeling about school?” or “What’s on your mind about going back to school?” This creates space for kids to feel safe to voice their authentic thoughts and feelings—even if those are honestly “I don’t know.” It also gives us a chance as supporters to listen and validate, which is what most kids say they’re looking for from us anyways (see Gen Zers to Their Parents: When We Are Upset, Just Listen.)
4) Reassurance Is Like Scratching a Mosquito Bite: …at first it feels great! Then it starts to feel like your whole arm is being chewed off by angry chihuahuas. The more we do it (“You’re going to have a great teacher!”, “Your going to have so many friends!” “You’re going to have a great first day!”) the more we make the reassurance dance our kids’ go-to coping mechanism. They’ll seek us out to tell them it’s going to be alright instead of feeling capable of navigating the situation on their own. Plus, when we offer reassurance that we can’t back up with receipts (“Your classmates are totally going to love your fart-scented markers!”), our kids quickly start wonder if all of our perspective—even our most genuine support—is questionable and bananas. Instead try: “I know you’ve got this and you’re not alone. We’re a team and I’ve got your back.”
5) Anxiety lives in the future and the antidote is present action: Find ways to help kids partner with the preparation in active ways. For example, get older ones to think through an after school routine that works for them (“I noticed you seemed so relaxed and confident when you were on top of your work and had time to relax too—what do you need to do make sure that happens every day?”) or get little ones to design a grocery list or collaborate on planning and making lunches for the week. I know that I’m much more likely to stick with a routine in which I’ve had a say and that’s true for kids too.
Yes we’re talking about supporting our kids with the transition from summer to the school year…
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We’re also using this (and every challenge or obstacle that pops up) to empower our kids with the belief in their own ability to do hard things.
That doesn’t mean they have to do everything on their own. Far from it! I depend on people every day and people depend on me. This positive interdependence deepens my relationships and fills me with a sense of purpose, community, and belonging.
It just means that we’re nurturing in our kids the confidence that they are the kind of sailers who can navigate the roughest seas and come out stronger, wiser, braver, and kinder on the other side.